It's one of those days...

well hello world. Sorry it has been so long since my last post, I've been all around lately. Just a brief over view of things in february and march: Well first, i CELEBRATED three years of life on February 24th. It was the anniversary of the shooting; a very exciting, fulfilling, miraculous day. Every year, my emotions and thoughts have changed. This year, I was nervous yet thrilled. Waking up that morning was evidence that Jesus loves me more than I could ever imagine. One word stuck with me..

Purpose.

Then came Valentine's Day. Of course I spent it with lukey! We went to Disneyland. We were such little kids and enjoyed every second.






School, school, school, then Spring break! Unfortunately, it was not spent in quite the chipper mood. My Uncle Pancho, was killed in a motorcycle crash while racing. It was instant; he went the exact way he would have wanted to. However, we miss him dearly. Since, we have learned wonderful things about his life and the kind of person he was. For me, I learned a great deal about trust. There is a powerful message in trust. Fully trusting God, is very difficult to do. Many say they do, although many really do not fully understand. After having a relationship with God my whole life, spring break was the first glimpse of full, lasting trust. Rest in Peace Uncle Pancho, I love you so.







I had a girls weekend with Julie and her mom in San Francisco.. it was perfect! Shopping, food, face masks, wine, and sauna.. um hello!!! It was great! The only thing missing was Katrina :[





It seems I have hardly caught my breath since spring break. March went faster then it came! I spent some weekends drinking wine, tanning with my pi phi girls, and having many sleepovers in Ash p's bed. It was been wonderful spending time there. I only have a few weeks left of Pi Phi... crazy!

This past weekend though, I spent the weekend with my boo! As always, I fall more and more in love with him everytime I am with him. He's been my missing puzzle piece for years and it so refreshing everytime I spend time with him. We went camping in San Diego.. it was incredible! We drank our favorite beer, cooked campfire food, and laughed the whole time. (Were camping here so don't judge!)

Now, I am stressing about summer jobs, my future career, and my math test tomorrow!! ughh.. i'm soooo over school! I'm trying to take a different approach this time though. Usually, I would be a wreck ball. Welp, the wreck ball has expired!!! I go home for Easter this weekend, woo hoo! I can't wait to spend time with the family. I also have my advising session at UNLV. So, I will finally know my exact graduation date, figure out all my transfer stuff, and be on my way!

I don't really know what else to say. I'm at a transition stage right now. Finishing up this semester, saying goodbye to UNR and Pi Phi, and counting down the days until Luke moves back to Vegas. I'm very happy and finding peace in simple things.. Until next... ciao.

"I will never forsake you"

-Jesus

not a wallflower tonight.

Why are artichokes so good? They barely have any flavor yet they are so scrumptious. Currently I am eating a fresh cooked meal and drinking a glass of wine. I've come quite accustomed to the quiet; it's actually quite perfect. I've become the girl in the window making dinner. You know in the movies they show people through the window not caring about world beyond the walls. And they always attached an emotional feel to it, sad or happy. That's me every night.

It's my unwind time. I have never had so much alone time and I never knew how challenging it could be. It's pushing me to actually be, well me. Obviously throughout life the self defining "me" changes constantly but I'm being pushed, and thriving off of it. Coming to to Reno has not been what I expected. It's been better. At times, I want to scream and cry and instead of being the girl in the window I want to be a wallflower. However, it's allowed and still will allows so many thoughts and healing to occur. I was in yoga yesterday and had a sudden urge to talk to my mom. Like many mother daughter relationships there were many broken areas. Not realizing it all these years but suddenly those last ten minutes of yoga I had tears in my eyes. I grew scared and questionable about my relationship when I knew it was already a positive healthy connection. But, like all relationships people get hurt; people need to heal. There was built up emotion for the both of us. Being able to openly discuss issues from years ago made me want to shout for joy. Being able to understand and discuss the journey of a teenage girl and a frighten ted mother was such a freeing feeling. It was a moment that I had anticipated for years. Mom, I'm so thankful we patched open wounds; your guidance and wisdom has made me a much better person. Thank you for teaching me about forgiveness, humility, and the ability to love unconditionally...

I know when I publish my scattered thoughts it seems so repetitive but its moving how much emotional progress occurs through this. I wouldn't care if one person didn't read this, but the "not caring" is quite liberating. Although I'm not always this deep, when writing the depth just pours out. Don't worry, I keep the unmentionable stuff to my self and my favorite person in the world... Luke.

Which brings me to my next topic. It's incredible how much someone can transform your life. Of course the butterflies and googly feeling when you first date someone is unforgettable, but it's the connection, trust, and absolute unconditional feeling that consumes me that continues to draw me closer to him everyday. The best part about this complete bliss is know that for the rest of my life, he will continue to help me become a better person. It's easy to express myself him, he understands me. More than that, he accepts me. His patience, concern, dedication and complete openness makes me the luckiest girl on the planet. I'm so thankful that we just kinda "spun" into each others arms. I couldn't go one day without you. Great is the joy you bring.

Sometimes the best helping hand you can get is a good, firm push.

Joann Thomas

When God Winks

Today is a wonderful day. Regardless of my hours of homework, chem class, and dreadful workout, today is and will be a wonderful day.



I must admit I probably had the best winter break I have ever had. I did nothing besides play cards, drink yummy beer, and lounge with people I love. I can't remember having days in a row where there was nothing important that had to get done. I wouldn't want a life of laziness but my goodness it was wonderful for few weeks!!



The New Year is always an exciting time for me. It means all over the world people are thinking about goals. Whether or not they pursue them who knows but its awesome to know that people are out there thinking about positive life change. As I said last year, every day could and should be a day of change. I can honestly say that I did focus on that last year and so many amazing opportunities came my way. However, I still could work harder and will do it this year!



For family that doesn't know... I made the Dean's list!! All that hard worked paid off.. woo hoo!!

That was a definite goal and it felt damn good to complete it. And, mel graduated from nursing school.. sooo jealous yet soooo proud!



So lately I have been thinking about the power of coincidence. I may have talked about it a while ago but there is this book and its called When God Winks. I highly recommend to anyone of any faith. I changed my life and I will continue to always share this with people. This book is about coincidence and the power behind it. The authors main message is "If you were God, and couldn't be seen, couldn't be heard, and couldn't touched, how would you speak to people?" Especially non believers or people that see coincidence as weird experiences that appear ironic. BUT, the author describes a coincidence as a God wink. Obviously I can't write and explain the whole idea right now but it is awesome. It gives purpose to everything we do and it helps us feel like we are in the right place at the right time. He says that every coincidence is planned.. there is no such thing as a coincidence. So every time you say "Isn't that so weird, what are the chances of that happening" There is a deeper meaning for why that occured. So he suggests writing them down whenever you find yourself saying that. This prevents forgetting it and later you can recap. There is always an end to a story and so many coincidences are left completely unanswered. Now before I read this book, I never exercised any thought to this strange realm of weird happenings. I never really thought much about coincidences. Truthfully, I never even paid attention to them past the 2 minutes it happened. But after, let me tell you it was almost creepy. I noticed so much more. Here's one of the greatest examples of a God Wink for me...



OK so I was in Tanzania at the time, It about a month into my trip when Luke called me one morning. (Him calling was always exciting since communication was hard but this was especially exciting!) He said that a kid from Africa goes to his school. He heard him talking in the cafeteria and hes pretty sure hes from Tanzania. Now people, first of all, Luke's school has about 2300 kids TOTAL. It's smaller than my own high school. Second, it is very very difficult to come to America if you are from Africa. Third, do you know how big Africa is and how many people live there? The chances of someone being from Africa at Luke's school is crazy but actually the same country that I was in?? It was so strange. Anyway.. so I told him he must talk to him and find out more. I was so excited. So about two weeks later I get this phone call at 5 am my time. It was luke saying he has someone that wants to talk to me. It was this kid! We started talking and I was able to speak Swahili with him. I started asking him where he was from within the country and I almost dropped the phone. I was in the exact town he was from. I mean what?? While we were 12000 miles apart, I was in his hometown. It was so ironic. So we exchanged emails and sure enough one week later I was sitting having coffee with his brother in Arusha, Tanzania. Throughout my trip I spent a lot of time with his family; there were sooo sooo good to me. I ate dinner with them on my last night and was so humbled but the compassion of this family. Now, that is a fricken God Wink. There is no way I can think that was an accident. Not only did it confirm emotions for Luke, but it closed all my insecurities about my trip. Without a doubt I knew I was falling in love with the right person, and I knew that trip was all part of this huge growing experience for me. I was on the right path.



Well this is getting so long. The reason I even brought it up was since this book, the big and little things pop out. My living situation as changed and it was a difficult transition. But there was a God Wink throughout it all and that is why today is a wonderful day.



Approach today with a wide open heart.





amani,

k

sometimes untitled is just so fitting.

I can hardly believe this semester is coming to an end. I think a mix of stress, PMS, and transitioning into next semester is causing me to be quite emotional. Whenever change happens I go through this thought process and recall and condition all my experiences. Well, this semester was a great experience. It made me recognize so much about where my life is headed and also forced me to revisit some past hurts. When I left, I didn't realize how much was left behind. Filtering the bad relationships, places, and internal emotions was the best thing I ever did. It was something that I never truly had control over. I wanted everything to work out with no feelings hurt. Is that real life? Never. Finally, I learned that I actually can have control of my life and love myself in the process. That in fact is the best realization...ever.

Now, I am stressed about finals, moving, Christmas gifts, and anything else that chooses to pop up. However, I was blessed with great gifts at my pi phi christmas party. It was very merry and I appreciate all the love spread.

I don't really know what else to share. I just needed a break from math so I lit my candle, raised the tunes, and just sat. My mood is just blah. However, I'm praying for the heartbroken....

"Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate you friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is no end."

Face of Love

Well Hello from good ol windy reno. It's a lovely day! Let me tell you I have been sooo stressed out this week. Test after test and speech after speech. I can finally say...I DONE! Well, for this week anyway, but hell yeah!

I am in a very chipper mood. I just tuned into my Christmas collection. It's crazy how much this music brings back soooo many memories. Good bad happy sad nonetheless, memories. One year ago I was teaching Christmas carols to cute little african kids. Oh how i miss that. I tried uploading a video but it wouldn't work.

So after reading my journal from Africa, I looked at what I did exactly a year ago. It didn't say much besides many things I am thankful for. My favorite was thank you for letting be me someone to somebody. I remember feeling that way. Now, being back and getting caught up in the stupid stuff again, I realize that I am still given the opportunity to be someone to somebody. I am somebody to many people. How cool! But am I thankful for that? Not since a year ago. Shame on me. Truly, shame on me. We as selfish people and can be somebody EVERYDAY and place.

• This will be my though for the week and maybe if you're reading this you can join me. Let's ask ourselves: Who am I for that person? What can I do to be better for that stranger I see everyday, or my sisters I talked to daily, or family, or old friends. What somebody am I to myself?

Cheesy deep... ya ya ya. It cures me, get over it!

I have a piphi dance tomorrow yeeeaahhh!! The theme is glam rock.. im stoked! Luke arrives this evening, and then the parrtayyy begins!

Love you all. Cheers to Julie in the place I wish I was! love you girrrrl!

Friendship is like peeing on yourself:

everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

holy crap.

Holy crap it has been one year since I was in Africa. I can hardly believe how fast time goes by. I haven't written in soooooooooooooooo long. Not that anyone really cares but I am dissappointed in myself. Although I have my own personal journals and ways of expressing myself, I think it is important for family to know what is going on. Now I assure you my life isn't near as exciting as it was a year ago, but I'm still loving it right????

So, where to start? I spent a semester and summer at home in Vegas. And now, I am back in Reno. It was a VERY quick decision but I'm very happy with it. I basically just came back to finish my senior year in Pi Phi. It's been amazing and a very positive healing experience! I will tell all about it later but quite frankly, I'm just not in the mood to write right now! But please check back because I WILL be sharing much more of MAH LIFE to those who are interested.

toodles.

mah love.

Earlier this evening I arrived back home from a wonderful weekend in California. Visiting Luke, hanging out with my cousins, and playing football on the beach; who can complain right? It was refreshing :]

Ever since New Years I have been thinking about new and old "things" that I want to change this year. As most of the population, people are dieting, getting makeovers, and creating some sort of self renewal. I always try to set ambitious resolutions but they always seem to fade within a few weeks. So, this year I'm trying to focus in a more direct, positive, and detailed manner. January 1st is the beginning of 2008 but no different than any other day. I'm pushing myself to continue making goals and resolutions all year long. I'm not promising anything but sharing the changes I seek mentally seems to be helping...

So, with that here's a little of what is on my mind. The year 2007 was a huge roller coaster. Filled with tears, joy, and well...a year of learning. I made many drastic moves, choices, and focused quite a bit on myself. This year, I am really going to try and put others first. I have spent a good part of my life thinking what Katie wants. At the peak of my selfish moments I have hurt others, damaged my own self esteem, and unfortunately lost some friendships. The stubborn part of me doesn't want to admit it, but I find freedom in declaring my flaws. They say the first step to healing is admitting you have a problem right? Welp, I admit I can be very selfish! Those close to me and anyone willing to encourage help me work on this! Not only do I wish to put friends and family first, but strangers as well. An extra smile, surprise gift, or simple act of kindness to those I do not know goes along with putting others first. Community service is so fulfilling to me and actually very easy. As much as I wish I could fly overseas again it is just not feasible right now. But, help is needed even in the 702. So this year, I am attempting to help what lies in my own backyard. Still a task, but strangers are easy for me; sadly, the people I care the most about seemed to be the most pushed aside. Thus the need for change....now.

OK what else? Reaching out. Forgiving. Mending broken relationships. Every person I know has been hurt or is hurting from a broken relationship. Myself included. In the past few years I have had many people come and go. I believe it involves the realistic transition from high school to college, teen to adulthood. Nevertheless, losing valuable relationships sucks. Its reality that you aren't going to be friends with everyone but one can't use that as an excuse to pave the road of rocky relationships. Friendship editing can be healthy but that is not my focus. My focus is simply being a better friend and mending the broken pieces in friendships that are lacking in the "friend" area. This goes along with my selfishness and is something that needs improvement. No friendship is perfect and not one person is always to blame. But as for me and myself, I know I am capable of being a better friend thus the need for change...now. Friends please be patient with me :]

Another goal is continuing checking off things from my list of things to do before I die. Newly named my "Bucket List" since I saw the movie. I started my list along time ago but Africa felt damn good to check off. It renewed my inspiration and I don't want to lost sight of that. Like I have in the past, I refuse to go another year without checking some "do's" off. Who knows... tomorrow might be the last! Let's live for today people and start now!

That is plenty for now. I hope to have many "New Year's" throughout 2008. Every day is the start of a new year thus the need for change... now.

On you will go

Onward up many

a frightening creek,

though your arms may get sore

and your sneakers may leak

-Dr. Seuss